WTH am I doing?!

Choose the best answer for you: A. Not a clue. B. Procrastinating doing laundry. C. Looking for jobs online. D.All of the above.

D. All of the above and still getting nowhere. I am all over the place right now. Do I go back to teaching even though I deplore it? I want to be purposeful and teach, but not in the way that makes me feel depressed, anxious, sleep less, restless, exhausted, and resentful. I often have felt resentment towards this profession. People tried to tell me not to teach, but did I listen? No. Why not? Because, it's what I felt led to do, but Jeeeesus really this is what you want me to do? Seriously God? Ughhhhh. Maybe that's why I have never been 100% in passion with this profession. Is it the only reason? Child, no! I have a whole list of reasons why I do not want to continue in something so stressful and sucky. BUT, I'll save that for another time. I am dealing with something even more stressful and time-sensitive. My job is being cut at my school at the end of May and I don't know what  I'm going to do. My mom is not really able to work anymore due to her health. So basically I am toting the house with my income. My youngest brother just started working again, so that should be helpful. I need to work, but doing what? I know education and that's it, that's what I'm licensed in, and going back to school is NOT an option. Student loans are scary and suck! More on that later too. I think I want to write a book. I know we're starting a family business, but will it be successful? Ugh. Sometimes an answer leads to another question. What is that about?! Is there anyone who understands where I'm coming from, what I'm feeling? I'm actually considering not paying certain bills in order to save that money for the roof we need, pay off credit cards, just hold on to it for the just-in-case moments that we all know and love (Side eye much?).  Damn it. Why am I not more prepared for this? It's not like I haven't been through the possible job loss situation before. Ugh. Being an adult is a pain in the butt sometimes. What I'm trying to say in case you haven't gotten is that I need money dang it! To be honest, I'll admit that I've even thought about selling a little somethin' somethin' here or there. No, not that you weirdo. Think "Breaking Bad". 

I'll be back. Maybe something will have dropped from the sky in the form of pots-o-gold or money bags. Ha!

To be continued...

J